I was trying to play God in my life and then stopped and returned to the real One!
I was trying to control my life and solve problems in my own power and anger. I would try to feel better through drinking and would let my emotions control my life and relationships with other people. I was always blaming others for the way I felt and was trying to find happiness for myself but always failed. I used the excuse that other people were putting me down and therefore started to drink.
It’s like there were two of me: One was always five steps ahead messing things up and I always had to go after him cleaning up the messes he would make. My great counselor was the bottle. We got along so well and would solve all our problems together. We did quite well until the morning after when there were often more problems, which we would then have to solve. In the end, the problems were so many that I couldn’t even solve them with my bottle.
My marriage of 12 years ended in divorce. It was hard for me to leave my children and not be around them as much as before. I was sleeping terribly. I was waking up several times in the night and always woke up tired.
On one very difficult day two young ladies came to my shoe store and offered me a calendar with quotes for every day of the year. That day I didn't have money, so I asked them to come back to the store, which they did. When they came back I bought the calendar from them and they explained a little bit about their missionary activities. They then asked if they could pray with me and I prayed with them to receive Jesus into my life.
The timing of their visit was perfect as I was in such desperate need of some big changes in my life. I had lost control of things and was carrying a lot on my shoulders from the past and worrying about everything. After praying with them I felt better and started to read the calendar I had gotten from them every morning before I went to work. I realized that I wanted more of this in my life. I wrote an email explaining how much the prayer had helped me that day the girls came to the store. I asked them if there were meetings I could go to.
I asked for prayer and the missionaries laid hands on me and prayed for me. After this a lot of things changed. I stopped drinking and didn’t even feel the need to drink anymore.
I enjoy the time I spend with my children more now, because I am more at peace myself. Also, I enjoy spending time with friends more because my burdens are gone and I can live in the present. Bad things from my past don't weigh on me anymore. Also I stopped spending money in an attempt to make myself happy. I am sleeping much better and am enjoying life.
Me and that "other guy" that used to be running ahead of me, are united now and living in peace together. I am learning to pray and see what the Lord wants and I don’t decide things so quickly anymore, which gives me a lot of peace.
I let God take over my life. I let go of my own spirit and my life is changed.